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Monday, May 24th, 2004
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12:06 am - home
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| Friday, May 21st, 2004
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2:36 pm - זה הלילה האחרון שלי איתכם
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It's my last night in Israel.
I don't have any deep brilliant insights into the meaning of the human condition. I don't really have any brilliant insights into the meaning of spending a year abroad.
I was talking to my future roommate on the phone the other day and she said she spent 9 months traveling in the middle east and she felt, when she got back, that living in the middle east is living on a slightly higher level. Everything's just a little bit heightened, a little more intense. She says she didn't notice it really until she got back to America but it was a really difficult transition.
I don't have any perspective yet, but I do think it's going to be a culture shock going back. There's so much I take for granted in America. . silly things like hot water and carpets and grocery stores and bigger things like not worrying about being blown up when I take a bus or not worrying that I've accidentally wandered over the green line into an Arab village when I go for a jog.
But I love it here. I love it love it love it. I don't neccesarily want to live here forever but I've fallen head over heels with the hills here and the clubs and the food and the weather and the beach and the people just the energy of this place. There are awful horrible things going on here and it is a difficult place, this has not been an easy year,but people here really live life all the way. I need to remember what that feels like when I get back.
I'm excited, though. And I can't wait to see everyone. And I love airports. And this weekend's going to be a great last weekend- Jerusalem tonight and the beach all day tomorrow- and then I hop on a plane and there we go. . .
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| Monday, May 17th, 2004
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10:53 am
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I'm at work so I don't have much time. . . all is good. Went to a huge rally for pulling out of the settlements, I've become way more emotionally involved in the politics of this place than I ever thought I would be. But it is impossible to live here and not care.
My job is a thousand miracles a day. Kids are just. . . mashehu mashehu. Something else. Today is potty training day. We sing the pee-pee prize song. (peepee prize. peepee prize! I peed in the pot and got a peepee prize!) I have the best job in the entire universe.
And I'll be back in America in six days. . . Get ready.
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| Friday, April 30th, 2004
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12:34 pm - Oh and. . .
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everyone needs at some point in their lives to be at an independance day in Israel. Government sponsored trance parties and music festivals in the streets all night. . . Huge barbecues in the parks the next day. Unbelievable.
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12:24 pm - שירו שיר לשלום
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So so so tired. My job is probably the most exhausting experience ever. I change 5-7 diapers a day, feed 3 kids 3 times, get spit up on about five times per feeding, and spend the rest of the day acting 20 times more excited about everything than I really am.
Most of the kids are really unresponsive so we heap compliments on them for pretty much anything they do.
"Wow!!! You woke up from your nap! What a good boy!!! Great job!!!!!"
"You are sooooo good at eating cheese! What a good eater you are!! Now chew. . . and swallow . . . swallow . . . yes! Way to go!!"
"What a great sneeze! Did you go ah-choo? Did you go ah-choo? Good Noi!"
It sounds a little less lame in Hebrew.
I love my job so much and the kids are just about the most adorable things in the universe but they are just a handfull and a half. Some of them have to be reminded to swallow their saliva every ten seconds so they don't drool. Some of them have to be held at all times or they'll start flailing around and hit themselves. We have one girl who's a really good roller, but occasionally she gets stuck upside down. And another girl who can sit by herself, but once in a while she just tips over and will just lie there, sideways on the floor, still in sitting position, until someone picks her up.
So yes, love it love it love it, but very happy to have the weekend off.
In fun news, I've become good friends with one of Alisha's friends, an Israeli, and it turns out that he's pretty much the best percussionist in Israel. He plays with and produces most of the top acts in Israel. So I've been getting all sorts of free concert tickets, and getting to meet all these musicians I've been listening to all year. Very exciting, and hopefully when I come back for med school he can help me find some places to sing at and some musicians to work with. Fun fun fun. It's sad I only have three weeks left and I work a million hours a week.
So it goes.
Three weeks left-- get ready for me America. . .
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| Monday, April 26th, 2004
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6:48 pm - חג שמח!
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My new job is just about the best thing that's ever happened to me ever. I work 8-5 every day except Saturday and also work until 9 Sunday night. By choice. I rotate between the four preschool classes in the morning and then I work with the after-school program and on Sundays I help with physical therapy for older kids and then do water therapy with a special adult group. It's only been a week and I am head over heels in love with these kids and the center.
I definitely get peed on and spit up upon more often than I might prefer. . but so it goes.
Every Monday the animal lady brings in pets to play with. Today we had guinea pigs. And then we have hydrotherapy and get to play in the jacuzzi. Did I mention I love my job.
There are tough moments, especially when the parents drop their kids off and pick them up, and there are a few kids that are just about impossible to get to, I mean- most of the kids are severely severely disabled. There are a few who sit in the corner and rock back and forth all day, or cry, or scream, or poo, or spit up on me-- but most of them, even if they can't talk or walk, and don't seem responsive- you'll do something random: smile, or give them a hug, or pick up a toy they dropped, and they'll grab your hand or sit on your lap or give you a smile and it's just-- the best thing I could ever imagine doing. I don't want to leave at the end of the day.
This week is pretty amazing too- it's Israeli independence day, which is like 4th of July in that there are barbecues, but it is unlike anything I've ever seen in my life. The entire center of Jerusalem is closed off and there's going to be a giant music festival in the streets all night tonight and all day tomorrow. In Tel Aviv too. This country just knows how to celebrate. The very coolest part is that we live right in the center so we can sit out on our porch and watch everything going on. It's going to be tough to sleep-- but wow. I can't even describe. This entire country just changes on holidays. As divided as people are, and as many problems as they are, we celebrate together, and we mourn together, and that's special. It's like the Christmas I never got to have.
In real life news- I decided to go to Goucher, (anyone looking for a roommate in Baltimore?) I'm starting classes June 1st- so I'm coming home from Israel early, May 23rd. You may all reschedule your welcome home parties now. :-)
current mood:  happy
current music: the Yom Hazikaron siren- I'll explain next entry
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| Friday, April 23rd, 2004
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3:33 pm - אז תחכי יום ועוד יום
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Mmm. . .Shai Gibso, the runner up in "Israeli Idol" just came out with a new single, which may be the hottest male vocal performance I've ever heard ever.
So- my life as it now exists.
Well. . . Chamas has promised there will be a "mega-pigua" (terror attack) on Yom Ha'atzmeut, independence day, this Tuesday as revenge for the killings of the two hamas leaders. Security's going to be really tight, but we're not really sure how worried to be. Kfar Saba, where I live, is within sight of the green line and there were two piguas here last year, so its not the safest place in Israel. But then I do feel a little wierd about going to one of the big parties in Tel Aviv or Jerusalem. They'll have more security than anywhere else, but they're also the most logical targets. We may just go celebrate on the beach in Herzeliah- there's going to be a music festival and a dance party on the beach all night, and it's a little bit outside of the major cities.
I don't know if they'll succeed on Yom Haatzmeut, but it's been way too quiet lately, it's sad, but when it's this calm for this long, you know it's just a matter of time until there's another one. The army catches up to 20 suicide bombers a week, one of them will get through eventually.
In fun Israel news, the Chasidic rabbis are now earning money by advertising that you can send text messages to Rabbi "king messiah" and he'll bless your children over your pelephone. The ads say "people have texted, miracles have happened." And there's a picture of this super-serious looking rabbi with a long white beard and black hat, holding a cellphone. Only in Israel.
As for everyday life. I'm happier than I've been in as long as I can remember, great living situation, great job. The only downside is that I'm leaving in less than a month, and returning to full-time student status, which is exciting but I'm really really going to miss it here.
So. . . I live in an absorbtion center, which is like an apartment complex/community center/school for new immigrants. The first one I lived at was all Ethiopian, but this one is mostly young Russians and a few Argentinians. It's much cleaner than the Ashkelon one, but much much louder since it's mostly high school kids.
My room is basically a medium sized concrete rectangle containing three beds and a table, leaving just enough space to walk around the table and get into bed. There's a tiny "kitchen" off to the side that fits a sink and a gas burner. In the middle of the kitchen is a screen, behind the screen is a little stall containing a shower, sink, and toilet. It's very mmm . . .cozy.
I live with Lara, whose internship is rescuing sea turtles. (incidentally, Lara is the girl I randomly met in Mimi's the day before I came to Israel) Theoretically this other girl lives there too, but she moved in with her boyfriend a month ago and no one's seen her since. So Lara and I live upstairs, and the three guys live downstairs.
We all work full time, and all of us have long commutes, so we don't see each other very much, but we get dinner together occasionally, travel together on weekends, and try to go grocery shopping together, since it's so far away.
The best part about the situation is that for the very first time I live in an actual city. We live about 30 minutes walking from the center of town and it's just gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. It's about a 40 minute walk to the big central market, but there's a little bakery, a dairy, and a vegetable stand a little bit closer, and plenty of cafes and falafel places about 20 minutes away.
I take a 30 minute bus ride to work and then walk about 2 1/2 miles to get there. I work 8-5 every day, and a lot of it is changing diapers, feeding the kids, and cleaning up. But I'm also helping with a research project in the afternoons and I get to help with the specialized therapies when I'm not needed in the classrooms. And the kids are precious. A lot of them can't move or talk, and they tend to pee themselves a lot, but the staff is amazing with them, the center is incredible. I'm really happy I ge to be a part of it.
current mood: awake
current music: happy Israeli techno
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| Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
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8:13 pm
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okay- I only have six internet minutes so this is gonna be quick.
Enrolled at Goucher University. Starting June 13th so I'll have to leave Israel about a week early. Very very excited.
Managed to get moved off the Kibbutz. I'm living with my old roommate Lara and three otzma guys in an absorbtion center in Cfar Saba and working full time at a day-care center for very disabled children in Raanana. I help out in the regular classrooms for 11month- 4year olds and then I help in the afternoons with hydrotherapy, music therapy, and sports therapy.
And I'm very very happy.
More to come. . .
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| Saturday, April 17th, 2004
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11:24 am - אתה נראה כמו איזה םופרדתר
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So. . . life on the kibbutz is turning out to be pretty miserable. I wake up at 4am, make sandwiches with the batty sandwich lady, clean the bathrooms, clean the coffee machines, and then refill the cheese wagon. Then I usually take a nap, and then my roommates and I sit in the caravan and stare at the wall. There is nothing to do here. There's no one our age. There's no way to leave. We're stuck working our shitty jobs because the 18 year old australians complain and hate working and don't speak hebrew, so the kitchen staff won't let us trade out with them for better jobs.
I'm teaching myself calculus for fun. That's how bad it's gotten. And it's very cool to see the way a kibbutz works and I'm glad I experienced it, but I think I'll go insane if I have to make sandwiches at 4am for the next two months. And an internship has just opened up in Tel Aviv at a hospital center for disabled children, so I'm thinking I may try to get taken off the kibbutz and placed there. It's not just that I'm having a lame time, it's that I feel totally useless and pointless. And we're totally stuck on the kibbutz- it's an expensive two hour ride to anywhere from the most dangerous bus station in the country- if we can even get a ride off the kibbutz to the station in the first place.
I'll be teaching an aerobics class starting this week, and I may be able to lifeguard once the pool opens, but it is really hard to be stuck in this lame situation while all my friends are living right in the heart of jerusalem doing work that actually matters.
I'm in Tel Aviv right now, celebrating Donny's birthday. We went to 5 or 6 different bars on the beach last night, trying to find some good music to dance to. Semi-succesful evening. We got in around 5am and then got kicked out of our hostel at 9:30 so they could clean the room.
Delish is dating one of the bartenders at Mike's place, our very favorite american-style bar. All the english speakers in Israel tend to hang out there at one time or another. You can get american food and drinks, and it's just nice to step out of Israel for a second. But anyway, this guy Rick, Delish's new man. . . it was his birthday party that was blown up at Mike's place last year. And then a few weeks later, he went out to Jerusalem and had lunch at Sbarro in kikar tzion (where all my friends live now). He made some friends, hung out there most of the day, and then left. The next day he realized he'd left his wallet there, so he went back. Some of the same guys were there and his wallet was returned to him, nothing missing. He hung out for a while, thanked everyone, and then left. 30 minutes later Sbarro was bombed. Not a single person he had met survived.
The interesting part is that he's terrified to go into Jerusalem now, he just won't go. But he still works at Mike's place, which has been targeted twice in Tel Aviv, and once in Jerusalem. (it's right next to the american embassy) It's funny where people's comfort zones are here. Everyone has to find their own way to feel safe here.
Other news? mmm. . . two of my friends got into separate scooter accidents in Istanbul. They both had helmets on and are pretty much okay. The Turkish hospital sent them home to Israel and ambulances met them there. In typical Israeli fashion, they barely bandaged them, and sent them home all bloody and disastrous. But they're both doing better now.
The ambulance service here is just. . . ridiculous. In fact, America was supposed to send them 10 million dollars, but we're sitting on the donation until MADA agrees to make some significant improvements in patient care. I was really umm concerned with some of the things I saw working in bet shemesh and ashkelon, but I worried that I was being too uptight, or just expecting an "american" standard of professionalism that's unnecesary. So I'm glad to find out that I wasn't over-reacting and I'm glad that the money is being held back until things improve.
The real frustrating part is that it's not ignorance. Every volunteer knows how to dress a wound and backboard a patient properly. It's just that they don't care. If they're not going to get in trouble for doing a quick shitty job, why would they go out of their way. And extras like 'making the patient comfortable' or 'talking to the patient' or 'monitoring vital signs.' Ehh. . . יהיה בסךר. If they're not going to die on the spot, the majority of mada workers just don't care. Not all, of course, I've worked with a couple wonderful medics. But most just really don't care.
In a bank, this Israeli non-professionalism is frustrating, but you get used to it and deal with it. In an ambulance, it's kind of apalling. I admire the Israeli toughness- but there's a limit. I'm just glad people are starting to care, and hopefully things will get much better soon.
And I got into Columbia :-)
current mood: starving
current music: The Israeli version of that superstar song
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| Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
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3:35 pm - זה לילה סתווי- ואין כוכבים
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Mmmmmmmm . . . perfect vacation day.
Spent all day yesterday on the beach in Tel Aviv with some Otzma friends and assorted Israelis. And I got to go kayaking! There's this guy we always see paddling around, so I went up to him and asked if I could borrow his boat (Ace 5.1) for a few minutes since I haven't been able to kayak for eight months. He said sure and we ended up talking. There are only 70 kayakers in this entire country. Tragic. He gave me the number of one of his friends who hires kayak instructors up north near my kibbutz- so I'm going to give him a call and see if he'll take me paddling this weekend. Happiness.
After the beach, we came back to Jerusalem, where of course I instantly ran into everyone I've ever met ever. I individually bumped into five different kids who'd been in Russia with me, Tomer who taught me how to salsa dance, two of Tomer's random friends who I met last week, a soldier who recognized me from the army base, and Boris. I run into more people I know here than I did at school. Smallest country ever.
Boris and I ended up getting lunch and seeing that Russel Crowe movie where he's on the boat- I don't remember the title in English. It translates into "Lord and Master"- but I don't think that's quite it. Anyway, good movie.
Later, Amy and I went out to the salsa club, and flirted the bartender into getting the head instructor to give us a free lesson. Tomer met us a little later and got us onto the guest list at Laila, so we went there and danced for the rest of the night. The theme for some reason was "bad american songs that you heard a million times at every bar mitzva/high school dance ever and really never had any desire to hear again." I mean, they didn't call it that, but those were the basic guidelines. And the Israelis love it. All these (straight) Israeli men were jumping up and down and just going crazy, trying to sing the lyrics to "YMCA" and "I will survive." Fantastic.
Today was just one of those lame errands days. And it's about 150 thousand degrees outside. I bought physics and chemsistry textbooks so I can get a little headstart on studying. Trying to explain to the clerk that I was looking for a compass and protracter in hebrew was just about impossible. I was like "Mathematica. . circles. . .triangles. . .pointy." and I tried to mime using a compass. Disastrous.
The highlight of today was getting my return ticket set. I'm going to take a week after Otzma ends to travel around a bit, we're probably going to hike sea to sea or try to go hiking in Sinai- something like that. And then I fly into JFK at 5:30am on June 17th.
You may begin planning welcome home parties now.
current mood:  calm
current music: random as anything israeli radio
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| Sunday, April 11th, 2004
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1:23 pm - www.rebchaim.com
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Yes- the psycho rabbi who single-handedly destroyed my spring vacation has a web site devoted to. . . himself. Can we say egotistical?
But the good news is I'm typing this from my very favorite internet cafe in Jerusalem. Landing in Tel Aviv this morning was one of the best moments of this year to date.
Spent today recovering. My friends took me out to breakfast at the Sheraton hotel and then I walked around, soaked in some sunshine, put on a pretty skirt and sipped some icecafe at cafe hillel with my sunglasses on.
Have I mentioned how much I love Israel?
current mood: happy
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| Friday, April 9th, 2004
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5:05 pm - Something new every day
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Today I taught myself how to read Russian-- very very helpful when in Russia. So. . . yesterday was quite possibly one of the very worst days of my life. We got on a bus (three hours late) in Kiev at 11pm. . . after a five and a half hour passport check at the Russian border we left for Moscow at 5am, expecting to arrive around noon. We got to our hotel at midnight- yes we spent 25 hours sitting in a bus. With no bathrooms, no food, and only bleak rainy grey desolate russian countryside to keep us company. I felt like I was trapped inside some tragic expressionist one act play except it was 25 acts long and there was no deep message at the end.
We had three drivers, but for some reason they felt the need to stop the bus and have a cigarette literally every 20 minutes, but they wouldn't let us off the bus. I timed- I have now spent ten hours of my life sitting in a parked bus by the side of the road in Russia. They also refused to stop at real bathrooms so I've now spent 27 minutes of my life teaching squealy 18 year olds how to pee in the woods and reassuring them that really I've done it before and didn't die or contract any life or nonny-threatening diseases. And the bus was about forty years old, it's quite possibly the first bus ever build ever, so it really couldn't go faster than 30 km/hour. The ride was supposed to be 9 hours, maybe.
And the crazy rabbi, who also seems to be a pathological liar given that the story of his childhood is entirely different every time it comes up (although maybe he's talking about past lives). He's told us that he graduated high school at 13 and hired a private tutor to teach him university courses so he could go to rabbinical school. he's also told us that he was so poor that he grew up without silverware, so I'm quite sure where he got the money to hire the tutor from or to go to school. Nutball. But anyway- he decided to talk literally the entire 25 hours straight, he did not shut up- even when everyone else on the bus was asleep. And he insisted on having all the windows open and the sunroofs, even though it was sleeting the entire drive. My toes went numb around hour four.
But the moral of the story is that I'm now in Moscow which is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Had a fantastic night last night, and spent the whole day today wandering around and being a tourist. Museums, and the Kremlin, and such. Very cool city. And we're staying in the best hotel ever.
And the best part is that tomorrow night I get to go home. I'm going to be one happy happy camper when we touch down in Tel Aviv.
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| Monday, April 5th, 2004
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5:16 pm - Spesibo- thank you (the only Ukrainian I know)
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Better day today. Avoided the group entirely and walked around with some friends. One of our translators, a student here, showed us around a little. We went to one of the most adorable cafes I've ever seen, where they didn't serve coffee. We got hot chocolate and cokes instead. It was down this neon lit multicolored tunnel and then down a set of steps, and then up, and then you come into this round room with a bunch of men's ties and musical instruments hanging from the ceiling. The walls were either painted with little cartoons from the Yellow Submarine or had jeans or zippers glued to them. Very special.
Danya, our translator, and her little sister and boyfriend talked to us for a while about living in the Ukraine and the differences before and after the soviet union collapsed. Really really interesting.
Oh! and we got our schedule for the rest of the trip. Here is the actual schedule for this Thursday:
7am:Breakfast
7:30am: Shacharit (morning prayers)
11:45am: Lunch
12:30pm: Mincha (afternoon prayers)
4pm: Maariv (evening prayers)
5pm-8pm: Study sessions
8pm: dinner
9pm: free time or more study opportunities
This is a typical day.
If I stick to the schedule they gave us, I will have spent 10 days in Russia and the Ukraine and spent literally 7 of those days in the hotel eating, studying, sleeping, or praying. We have 3 arranged bus tours, one of each city we're in, and the rest of the time is spent sitting around.
We did put on a traditional passover service last night for 400 ukrainians which was kind of cool. But frustrating. We spent the first half of this trip preparing songs and stories for the kids, but Rev Chaim got up and talked for close to 45 minutes and by the time he was done there was no time for us to do any of the things we had prepared. And all the Ukrainians either looked totally apalled, confused, bored, or were openly laughing at him. (he was dressed in his traditional "holiday" getup- the big furry round hat, curled payos, a shiny blue waistcoat with gold trim, basically like a 15th century rich Polish man)
It was so embarassing. We had planned some really special things, and made all sorts of props and gathered prizes and prepared skits, and he just basically ruined it. And he's so proud of himself. He thinks he really did a great job and made this a wonderful experience for the Ukrainians and I was looking around the room and they were all just waiting for him to stop talking so they could eat and hear their kids sing. After he finally finished talking, we got the kids up and taught them some Israeli songs and dances while the adults ate, which was fun. It's pretty amazing that five year olds in Ukraine grow up singing the same songs I sang as a kid growing up in America. So that was okay.
It's just always the Rev Chaim show, and he really seems to think that he's truly blessing us all with his words and his presence. After lunch today he told a story for an hour and a half (about himself of course), and you can't leave the room while he's talking so he basically wasted our entire afternoon. It's like he doesn't notice that there are other people around him who he's alienating entirely. He singlehandedly ruined last night for a lot of people who came on this trip to help out and who've worked really hard over the past few days.
My other favorite thing about the Rabbi is that he believes he's been reincarnated lots of times, so when he's telling stories about the past, he tells them like he's actually been there and seen them, (which he claims to believe) and so of course his is the definitive version. Oh the ego. And he can't be wrong, because god is guiding his words and actions.
In America, he never locks his door, because he believes that god will protect his family. And he spreads it around town that anyone who needs a place to stay can just come over to his house and let themselves in. That's a beautiful sentiment, and I'm all about letting people who need a place to stay into your home, but he raised three young daughters in a house that was never locked and strange random men were free to come in and out. If nothing happened to them, that is not because god protected them, its because they are damn lucky.
And I'm trying so hard to be openminded and non-judgemental but everything about the way he lives his life, treats people, conducts himself, treats his wife, . . . it's all just so self-righteous and so forced and so insincere. And I know he's a total fringe character, and I should just disregard him, but I'm forced to listen to him rattle on four of five hours a day and after a point I just don't even want to be in the room with him anymore. There are things he says that physically make me sick.
And I promised myself I wouldn't complain today. Really as long as I stick with my friends and kind of do my own thing, this is a very neat opportunity, and I had a great day today, and I've always wanted to see Moscow, and internet here is 1 dollar and hour, and my friends feel the same way I do about the group, so at least I'm not alone in a big group of nutballs. . . I'm just very very excited for that plane to land me back in Tel Aviv.
Fun Ukrainian fact of the day: Ukrainians line up on the sidewalk while they're waiting for busses. Best idea ever.
6 more days. . .
current mood: edgy
current music: Anastacia- one day in your life
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3:24 pm - & I amend
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I want to explain because as much as I'm pretty unhappy with and detached from the group I find myself traveling with, I do understand them. These people truly and honestly believe that if they get all Jews in the world to become observant (and/or move to israel depending on your interpretation) then they'll bring about the coming of the Messiah. They're nutballs, yes. But, in the end, they really do want to bring about a better tomorrow.
I feel like yesterday's post was a little harsh.
I still want nothing to do with them once this trip ends, but I do understand their motivations. They want to save us and save the world, in their way.
Today was better. Jeff is back in israel for two days, and the crazy rabbi is in his hotel room preparing spiritually for something or other, so we've just been touring on our own, which is actually kind of fun. This is an interesting interesting place. It's no Israel, and I feel like the biggest loser of a tourist ever, but very cool. Ice cream at Mcdonalds here is 1 grivne- that's like 20 cents! And all the bathrooms are holes in the ground with foot things on the side. Too much fun.
So yes, things are looking up for sure. As long as I stay away from the group when religious stuff is going on, I think I'll be okay. And I actually spoke up yesterday when I disagreed with something (they want us all to wear long skirts so that we can be "representatives of Judaism" for the Ukrainian people. I am Jewish. I wear pants. I insist on being a representative of what I am, not what the leaders of my group would like the Ukrainian people to think I am. Especially since we're supposed to represent world Judaism, it's really important to me that these kids know that there are Jews in the world who are not super-orthodox.) In the end I had to agree to wear a skirt for parts, but at least they listened to me and answered my questions, and gave me that much respect. That's something. Wearing a skirt is not a big deal at all, but the principle of it is a very very big deal- and I'm not happy about it. But we do what we have to do. Keep the peace.
(& I got into Tufts! :)
current mood:  discontent
current music: someone's real real annoying cell phone ring
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| Sunday, April 4th, 2004
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7:16 pm - CAPAX TEPE3 <--- my first and middle name in Ukrainian
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Wow- this website definitely just came up in Ukrainian. Which makes sense, seeing as I'm in Ukraine. Kharkov to be exact.
It's snowing intermittently. The streets here are literally four times as wide as an average Israeli street, and lane lines seem to be discouraged. There also seems to be no distinction between roads and sidewalks, which makes things like walking around a pretty epic adventure.
So the past four days. . .
I meant to bring my journal in here so I wouldn't forget anything but I'm just going to have to do this from memory and fill in the gaps later.
First of all, I have to admit that I made a huuuuuuuuge mistake signing up for this trip. I was warned that this was a very religious group and that they were probably going to try to convince me to renounce my heathen pants-wearing, boy-touching, non-Kosher-food-eatin ways. What I didn't realize was that this is not just a very religious Jewish group, they are a straight up Chasidic, Messianic cult.
I consider myself a pretty easy-going person, but I have never been more shocked, horrified, apalled, whatever. . . within a four day period. I have had more uncomfortable moments in the past few days, than I've had in pretty much the rest of my life. The people leading this trip are awful awful people. And that is not something I say lightly.
When we first arrived in Kiev, we went to a community center to eat breafast, and Rev Chaim- the nutball of a Rabbi who's supposed to be our "spiritual leader" stands up and tells us that (I quote) "The Ukrainians are worse than the Nazis. They killed thousands of Jews, not because the Nazis told them too, but because they wanted to, and they've carried that hate around inside them for the past sixty years and they're just waiting for an opportunity to let it out. Don't be fooled and think that times have changed. These people do not like you."
At that point I got up and walked out of the room. I understand warning us that there we may encounter some anti-semitism here, I understand making us aware that there we're visiting an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar culture and we should be careful. But to say what he said in the way that he said it is just about the most innapropriate thing I can imagine. He consciously stood in front of a group of 18 and 19 year olds who worship every word that comes out of his mouth and just passed down all his own ignorance and anger and hate to a group of kids. So wrong. So so wrong. And so disrespectful to the dozens of Ukrainians who helped us with directions, gave us tours, drove our busses, treated us with nothing but kindness and respect.
Spreading prejudice.
And the kids in the group just lapped it up. When we went to the market later, one girl said, "I really want to buy something, but I don't want to give money to anti-semites."
Later, her best friend stole our bus driver's Snickers bar off the dashboard while he wasn't looking. (Our driver has been a saint and a half, he's the sweetest guy ever). And she was proud of herself. She bragged about taking as much as she could from the Ukrainians to make up for what they did to us.
Ignorance.
And I'm not denying that awful things happened to the Jews here, I'm not denying that anti-semitism is a problem here. I'm saying it's a beatiful thing that a large group of Jews can walk around Kiev for four days and not encounter a single problem. That's what we should be focusing on. The fact that the world has changed, that people have changed. And to focus on awful things that happened, and worse, to hold those things against people who had nothing to do with them, is just perpetuating negativity. For no reason.
On day two, we were touring the Babi-yar memorial, the site of a mass killing during WWII and Rev Chaim interrupts our tour guide (who's been fantastic to us, brilliant lady), stares her down and asks her "Why do you all hate us?" She answered that it was the Nazis, not the Ukrainians. Many Ukrainians were imprisoned and killed during the war as well. He argued with her for about ten minutes, but instead of saying "them" he insisted on saying "you killed the Jews, too. You all hate us. why?" He was pretty much shouting at her. She handled it well, but I was so so embarassed for us. It was the most disrespectful, awful thing I could have ever imagined.
Rev Chaim also believes that he speaks directly to spirits and angels who show him the correct path through his dreams. Complete nutball, and I should just disregard everything he says, but somehow he has a way of just breaking my heart everytime he talks, it's so close-minded and ignorant and hateful. And he considers himself someone who is spiritually enlightened, who can guide me to a better way of life.
Our other leader, Jeff Seidel, is just a totall sketchball. He's supposed to be the open-minded, approachable one. But he's the one who really tries to do the hard-core converting. He does this by cornering people into a casual friendly conversation, and then he spins it around so you feel totally ignorant and then he offers you the opportunity to arrange a "private study" session with him so he can help you out.
He came into my hotel room friday night (me, my friend, Amy, and two 18 year old girls) and told us we all needed to do a shot together to bring in Shabbat. I told him, in nicer terms, that there was no way I'm taking a shot of vodka with him and a roomful of 18 year old girls. (I told him I'm on painkillers and can't drink) For the rest of the night, whenever there was an empty glass he'd fill it. None of these girls have really been away from home before, so of course they're totally sloshy by the end of the night, and then he starts making all these crazy speeches about the coming of the Messiah and how they're first in the line to heaven, and of course they're going to fall for it, they have no idea what's going on. He kept the alcohol coming for the entire weekend. It was sick.
Other unpleasantries: The women's section in the synagogue was up on a balcony, behind a wooden mesh screen. It was like being in jail. At dinner, we all had to sit in the back of the room in a corner, because some of the men at the synagogue complained when we sat coed during lunch. The men got all the food first, and then they passed the leftovers back to us. Halfway through dinner, they all got up and started singing and dancing, and all the girls just had to sit there are watch.
There's a Jewish law stating that a woman's voice is impure, so women are not allowed to sing in the presence of men. Jeff Seidel pulled me aside at one point and told me I should really do some hard thinking about my carreer as a singer because I must not have realized that it's a sin. I wanted to slap him.
I'm not ignorant. I do know a lot about Jewish law. Significantly more than most of the people on this trip. I'm not a heathen out of ignorance, I'm non-religious because I think the lifestyle he leads is ridiculous and absolutely contrary to everything I believe in.
I will not believe in a relgion that says it's okay for women to sit in the back of a room and be quiet while their men sing and dance and get to eat first. I will not believe in a religion that believes that I am a better person just because I was born with a certain last name. Or that a person who says the right sequence of words the right number of times a day is more likely to go to heaven than somoeone human being.
There's been so so much more that's bothered me (and my Otzma friends, who feel the same way) But enough negativity is enough. The key is to just make the best of it. Only 8 more days. Only 8 more days.
The good things:
It's very very cool to be here. I had no concept of life in the Ukraine or in Russia, just no clue. (a beer here is 70 cents, a bottle of Evian is 25 cents, crazy) My four friends and I have managed to break away from the group a bit and do some touring and walk around, and these two cities are really gorgeous. We went to a crafts fair in the market yesterday and saw some incredible incredible artwork. And in Moscow, we'll have more free time to go out and do things our own way. And, negative or positive, an experience is an experience, and I wouldn't give it up. I've definitely come across things in the past four days I never thought I'd see in my life. So I'm trying to breathe in, breathe out, and just take it all as a learning experience. Which it is. An anthropoligical observation, if you will.
But wow, I really wish I'd stayed in Israel and learned how to scuba dive.
current mood: predatory
current music: awful awful russian pop
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| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
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11:00 am - רוסיה!
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I'm going to Russia! In four hours. Temperature there is 2 degrees celsius and dropping. Weeeeeee!
I'm down in Jerusalem again. We went out last night to a little soup restaurant/lounge/tea place. It's hard to explain. The tables are huge, so even if you go with a group of friends you end up sitting with lots of happy hippie strangers. And there's often random people playing sitar or drumming in the corner. Very very special. In a good way, not a facetious way. It's very cool.
I tend to be a little bit of a hippie magnet here in Jerusalem, which I usually enjoy because they tend to have a little less of that super-intense Israeli edge, and I'm a bit of a hippie at heart anyway, but last night one of them pretty much surgically fastened himself to my side. His game:
"So- you are a volunteer come here to help my coutnry. Maybe you can help me out?" I was like "I don't know- tell me what you need and I'll see what I can do." He says "maybe you can find a beatiful American girl with a sexy accent to hang out with me and maybe to have sex in ten days when you get back from Russia."
Oh so smooth.
I told him he might have had better luck if he had asked my name first.
My friends slowly figured out the situation and we checked out and headed to another cafe. Most of my Otzma friends had to work this morning, so Boris and I ended up talking for a while again. When I asked him last week the name of his city in Yugoslavia, he kind of avoided the question. So last night I found out, he lived in Sarajevo. I knew he had to leave quickly because of the war, but I didn't put two and two together. He went back for the first time in 12 years a few months ago, and says it's still one of the most beautiful cities in the world, but most of the place he grew up in are gone or destroyed now. I can't imagine.
Every time I talk to one of my friends here I just realize more and more how ignorant I really am. There are people my age who've lived and felt and breathed things I read about in the newspaper and then forgot five minutes later.
Well, I'm going to go across the street, get an icecafe, and enjoy a few hours of sunshine before I head to the airport. Have a great Passover/Easter/Spring break etc. . .
(P.S. If anyone wants to send me some Cadbury cream eggs I would be the happiest me in the entire universe)
current mood: excited
current music: קיץ צתווי
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| Saturday, March 27th, 2004
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7:27 pm - בא לי לשיר ובא לי לרקוד
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Soooo- in Jerusalem for the weekend, about to head back home to dreamland, where I have to make sandwiches in eight hours.
New kibbutz fact: There are four playgrounds for kids on the kibbutz, one was a project for the local sculptor who made the entire thing out of this gorgeous white stone. The other three are made entirely out of junk that's been thrown away over the years. So the kids have entire kitchens, the skeleton of a 70s volkswagon beetle, vacuum cleaners, couches, broken tvs etc. .. to play with. When I first walked by I thought the kids were playing in a junkyard but apparently the education committee (rotated every few months, so all "friends" are involved) decided that it would spark creativity and encourage imagination to give the kids random stuff instead of a swingset or a jungle gym. I still cringe when I walk by and see the preschoolers playing with, for example, sharp rusty springs, but they seem pretty happy with the setup and it's definitely resourceful. Ooooh socialism.
The security level is on super super high, given the assasination the other day, but things are pretty much normal here in Jerusalem, and we barely notice the alerts up in the kibbutz. It's near the border of Jordan, and in shooting distance of Janean and Nazareth, but we're pretty safe and enclosed out there. I still feel a little something something when I see the entire club district packed on Friday nights despite all the warnings. I say it a lot, but Israel is really really the shining example of life going on. They've achieved other goals, in their way, but terrorists have definitely not managed to put a damper on Israeli's spirits, and I don't think they can. And that's something pretty special.
Oh! and I learned how to salsa dance yesterday. One of my Israeli friends has a (very extraordinarily gay) friend who teaches salsa in the city. We exchanged numbers in passing a few weeks ago and he happened to call last night right when I got here so delish, JBK, Jeff, and I got all dressed up and went dancing. When we got there everyone else pussied out, so Tomer and I danced together the entire time. Oh my god. Pretty close to the highlight of my year to date. Tomer is by far the best leader I have ever danced with. incredible. The dj was amazing, everyone in the club looked gorgeous, just such a cool cool evening. I'm definitely no goddess of salsa dance but Tomer was so good that it would have been impossible not to look good dancing with him. And I have a little swing experience so I picked up the lifts and jumps pretty quick, and the Israelis seemed pretty impressed. But also, the straps in my dress broke about halfway through, so they may have just been embarassed for me, or they could have been staring in horror. Whatever everyone else thought, I definitely had the best time I've had in as long as I can remember.
After dancing, I had a big dinner with all my Jerusalem friends, then went out to the Blue Hole with my friend Boris, who moved to Israel from Yugoslavia ten years ago, and is by far one of the most fascinating people ever. His family had to leave Yugoslavia because of the war and they didn't even have time to grab their pictures, family heirlooms, clothes, nothing. He has one picture of himself as a baby and everything else was lost. I don't usually get all zionist and intense about the state of Israel, but to hear him talk about his love for this country, which literally saved his family, is pretty touching. What's also amazing is that he speaks Hebrew fluently with no accent, even though he didn't speak as a child, and he taught himself English, and also speaks that fluently, along with Russian, and Cheq. And he doesn't think he's good at learning languages.
After Blue Hole, the evening turned into one of those long extended adventures, we must have gone to four or five different clubs over the course of the night. At around 4am we were in Shlomtzi, a kind of ritzy upscale bar/restaurant that plays amazing music. The place was almost cleared out, but there were probably about fifty people still hanging out. My two friends, Jost and Mike, started talking to two girls, so I ended up talking to this group of Israeli guys. At one point they decided I needed to learn how to salute like an Israeli soldier. I kept doing it wrong, and they were being pretty loud, and kind of making a scene about the whole thing. I was super focused on my saluting and didn't realize that by this point, we had the attention of pretty much everyone in the bar. So finally, on my 7th try or something, I get it right, and literally everyone in the entire bar stands up and starts clapping for me. Such a scene.
After that, I guess we all kind of bonded, because everyone in the bar broke out of their little groups and started talking and dancing together.
After a few other crazy misadventures and hijinks we made it home, slept most of the morning, and then spent the rest of the day lying in the sun in the park.
Overall, great great weekend. And on Wednesday, I go to Russia!
I've got to run to catch a bus home to the kibbutz, so I can grab 3 or 4 hours of sleep before work.
Oh! and I got into American University. :-)
Peace. . .
current mood: איפה
current music: אני פריכה
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| Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
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8:21 pm - חברים- "friends" (comrades?)
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So here I am in socialist paradise. I know books don't have theme songs, but if Animal Farm had one it would be constantly running through my head. With a little Brave New World thrown in.
Where do I even begin?
Well- I'll start with some random kibbutz facts:
-Every member of the community (called "friends") works on the kibbutz (in the factories, maintaining the grounds, teaching, kitchen work, laundry, hair dressing, executive postions, etc.) A few people with very special skills are allowed to work on the outside but they have to contribute their entire paycheck if they want to be a member of the community.
-No money is used on the kibbutz- we have little pieces of paper and we just write how much we've spent and it's automatically deducted from our monthly pocked money.
-Everyone gets paid the exact same amount regardless of job. The bathroom floor scrubber gets paid the same as the doctor.
-Kids have their own apartments separate from their parents in the "kid's neighborhood". Younger kids live together in the kid's houses, but usually go home on weekends.
-If you put your laundry in the magic bag it comes back clean in two days, for free!
-Meals are: cheese and milk from the kibbutz dairy, vegetables from the next kibbutz over (I think we trade dairy products for their produce), fish from our fish shed or chicken from another local kibbutz, and bread from a different farm that has a bakery.
-Some old people retire to the kibbutz (they call them "parents") They drive around the kibbutz in little golf cart/scooter things. This may be the cutest thing I have ever witnessed ever.
-We're located right in the middle of the some of the most beatiful green hills ever. We can see the lights of Nazareth from the dining hall and there's all sorts of art everywhere made by sculptors and artists who live on the kibbutz.
-I live in a prefab trailer/cabin type setup. It's made out of cardboard, really, and the floor is slanted at about a 30 degree angle, but it's actually very very nice. A lot like the kinds of cabins you can rent at campsites. I sleep on the couch because my roomate snores and I like it out there.
-We get free toilet paper, newspapers, cleaning supplies, work clothes, food, coffee, everything. As long as we work our 8 hours a day we're considered almost full members of the kibbutz for the time we're here.
I'm running low on time so here's a little sample of a day in the life:
3:30 am: wake up, drink some free decaf coffee provided by the kibbutz, eat a little something something, walk over to the dining hall
4am: Begin work. I make sandwiches. The kibbutz offers three meals a day and you can also go into the kitchen any time and grab food but the people in the factories (we make electronic swimming pool cleaners, cheese, raise ornamental fish, and retrain spooked horses (we have a real live horse whisperer here) ok, the factory people have to work all day, so we bring them sandwiches, and also sell some at the local market. So we have to make 300 sandwiches every day before 8am. I tried thinking of myself as a sandwich artist yesterday to see if it would improve my morale but it was still 4am and I still had literally 300 sandwiches to make so it didn't help all that much. I work with a batty old lady named Marnina who talks nonstop and insists on putting handwritten notes in every sandwich bag so we all have to just stand there and wait while she writes the great Israeli novel 300 separate times. She wasn't here this morning and we finished literally 2 hours earlier than usual. Woooo!
8am: Breakfast
8:30am: clean up the entire dining room, bathrooms, and lobby.
12pm: lunch
Afternoon: sleep, read, play tennis, teach an aerobics class for the 18 18 year old Australians who live next door, eat dinner, hang out with said 18 year old Australians, read some more.
Midnight: bed
And that's life. I'm unfortunately out of free communal internet time, which I only get once a week, but I definitely have more to write next week. This may be one of the most fascinating experiences of my life ever. It's seriously like living in one of those old books about communism gone bad, except before it all goes bad. It's tremedously utopian, but also oddly creepy. . .
I'll try to write more next week but I'm going to Russia on Wednesday so I don't know if I'll get a chance.
Well anyway, gooooo socialism!
Till next time. . .
current mood: טוב
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| Sunday, March 21st, 2004
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1:10 pm - וי איזה כיף
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Wrapping up one of the craziest/oddest/serendipitous weekends ever. . . good times. Lots of "only in Israel" moments.
-Talking to an orthodox Rabbi at 4am in Blue Hole, a bar that is literally a hole in the wall and having him tell me that I'm injuring the fabric of the universe by trying to become a doctor and make a lot of money so I can run around like a hippie instead of staying home and raising a family and forging a meaningful connection with god. I was like. . . hmmm, you're definitely in Blue Hole at 4am. I decided I probably wouldn't be too bad off politely discounting his advice.
-Realizing that lots of religious people come to this internet cafe to look at porn (you sit in little private cubbyholes with the computers). My friends warned me but I thought they were kidding. Nope.
-Having the most intense moment of eye contact ever with the crazy walkman guy who dances and does jumping jacks right in the middle of the street in Kikar Tzion. I took a picture of him and he looked at me and smiled and definitely saw my soul. Sometimes it makes me sad that everyone thinks you're crazy if you dance when no one else is. (I mean, he's definitely crazy- but really what's so wrong with dancing in the middle of the street once in a while?)
-Going to the gay dance club with my friend Blake and having one of the most interesting conversations ever with a new friend about the cultural difference between Americans and Israelis. One of the first really honest conversations I've had about that with an Israeli.
-Having the most akward, odd, accidental date last night. I was hanging out with an Israeli friend (emphatically just a friend) at Shlomtzi (one of the nicest bar/restaurants in Jerusalem- best music ever- and reallly good lemonade) and we were starving and I had some pizza at my hostel, so I invited him over to get some pizza. We get to my room, I take off my coat, and he says, in Hebrew: "יש קצת בעיה
We have a little problem."
I asked what was wrong and he said:
"I don't have a condom"
I was like. . .that's not really a problem, I'm not going to sleep with you.
So we sit in awkward silence for about two minutes and then he says "okay, then I think I will leave now."
mmmmkay
So I ask if he still wants pizza and he says no thanks, so I walk him to his car, and at his car he goes on for like 20 minutes saying how I need to call him because he really wants to see me next weekend.
Don't hold your breath doll.
Oh, Israeli men. Oh.
-Seeing the most poignant grafiti ever in the bathroom of a club we went to. Someone wrote a little poem about the wall that's being built:
Why is the wall so tall?
To protect us all.
Someone else crossed that out and wrote: Arafat = faaart.
Who can argue?
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All in all, really good weekend. Got to catch up with all my friends I haven't seen in three months, made lots of new Israeli friends (including a salsa dance instructor! score for free salsa classes), spent my budget for the weekend on a pair of much-needed sunglasses and managed to sustain myself through the weekend on one box of cereal. Waiters don't like it so much when you come into their restaurant with a box of Quaker squares and order a cup of water. אבל מה לעשות?
Very very very excited about moving to the kibbutz today. It's supposed to be one of the most beautiful places in Israel- and I definitely have just about the best roommates in the entire world. Free food for three months isn't such a bad deal, either.
So that's life. Politics remain pretty disastrous here, and I'm a little nervous about working on the ambulance in Afula, my first big city- but hopefully nothing major will happen while I'm there. And real hopefully my friends in Jerusalem will be okay. That's probably what I'm most worried about.
It's real hard to concentrate with the moans emanating from the next cubicle and I'm just about out of e-time so off I go.
להתראות!
current mood: בסדר
current music: אין מוסיכה עכשיו
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| Thursday, March 18th, 2004
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8:07 pm - םוף הדרך
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This has to be real fast but I wanted to check in. I'm in Jerusalem for the weekend, moving to the kibbutz on Sunday. There was a terror attack in Ashdod three days ago, half an hour from where I used to live. We used to go party on that beach on weekends. It was the first attack to come from Gaza in a long time, pretty much since the fence went up. Scary stuff. Even scarier since they're not sure they've found the tunnel, we launched a major retaliation, and 20 of my friends are living right in the heart of Jerusalem for the next three months.
Umm. . . everything else is all good. I'm done with the army stuff, which was fantastic, I had such a good time. Very excited about this next track. Also excited to come home and sleep in a real bed and eat some real food and experience some good old American-style customer service.
Oh! and I got into Bryn Mawr's premed program. which I don't want to go to. But it's nice to get into things.
I still don't know the word on when I'll have email again but a whole lot's been going on and I'll try to write a little bit more before I leave Jerusalem.
טוב- עז זהו- שלום
current mood: מוכנה
current music: היבן יס א פלאיס אן ארת
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